A taste of home at the beach

The decision’s been made. We are staying in Panama.

While I am comfortable with the decision, there are things I will miss, like real beer, the sight of real breasts at the beach, and conversational English.

I still get a little choked up hearing the theme song from Hockey Night in Canada or Lloyd Robertson’s nightly signature sign-off phrase.

I occasionally crave poutine, that Quebecois aortic time bomb of gravy and melted cheese smothered French fries.

The Expat meetings help, but there is nothing quite like being there.

Well, almost nothing.

I have discovered the way to travel to Canada for under $100, including food.

I get in my car and drive to the fishing village of Farrall on, just 90 minutes from the city.

You too can feel like you’re back home in Canada or the US, depending on the bar you choose. Without further delay, I share with you the fruits of my homesick bar-hunting research.

Just tell ‘em Roberto Chocolate sent you.

Woody’s Beach Bar and Grill ? a real taste of Canada, just down the beach from The Decameron, best known for the best (alright the only) poutine in Panama.

Owners, Woody and Monique, will keep you happy and entertained. Woody holds court at the bar.

The music is familiar and when there’s a game on the place is absolutely jammed with hollering, cheering Canadians.

Go on game night and it’s like being home in your best friend’s living room, except Woody’s has lobster, it’s hot out, and you’re right on the ocean.

The NEW Pipas ? for our US friends, Andrew Gordon from Washington D.C., along with his lovely Colombian lady Maribel and her brother Cristobal.

Offers excellent service and awesome lobster, fish and chicken wings, fabulous music and a stunning view.

They’ll cater beach parties and weddings for 2 to 600, and they’re open seven days a week! 6036- 9560 info@pipasbeach.com

XS Memories ? an American owned-run sports bar with satellite TV, great music, famous for it’s burgers and sports.

To Get There:

XS Memories north of the Santa Clara turnoff (113 km) before you get to The Decameron turnoff.

Pipas and Woody’s are in Farrallon, 115 km from Panama City on the Interamericana highway. Turn left onto the Decameron Resort road. Go to the end and turn right at the stop sign, go past the resort, past the Hard Rock Café and Fiesta Casino.

Woody’s: turn left after the Decameron and the artisans’ market (follow the Woody Woodpecker signs). Park on the road and walk down a lane past an outdoor boxing training area. If you are staying at The Decameron, walk to the beach and turn right until you see the Canadian flag. Tel: 6480-0226 woodyscanadianrealty@yahoo.ca

Pipas: Go past the Decameron, but keep to the main road (don’t turn left/south) and go through the town of Farrallon, past the church and the school, all the way to the end of the road. Keep going on the sand road. Pipas is another 50 meters, right on the beach. There are three rustic cabanas with shared outdoor washrooms for $30 per night if you drink too much. 6036-9560 info@pipasbeach.com

Where to Stay:

Farrallon: The Royal Decameron sells all-inclusive day and weekend packages. Tel: 993-2255 www.decameron.com

In Santa Clara: Xoko’s Restaurant (right on the highway, Santa Clara turnoff) basic clean rooms for $20/dbl with AC. Best food in the area. Tel: 993- 3875 E-mail: xokosantaclara@cwpanama.net

La Sirenas: is $110-$140/dbl for an ocean-side cabin. Tel: 6747-1772 info@lasirenas.com

Las Veraneras: a fun beach bar and rustic inn, from $79/quad with AC. Tel: 993-3313 lasverenaras@cwpanama.net

XS Memories: is an R.V. park but it also has three large guest rooms with AC, a pool, bohio and a small zoo, from $50/dbl. Tel: 993-3096

E-Mail xsmemories@hotmal.com

The detective’s website is: http://www.retirementdetectives.com